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Why your inner-voice may sound like...an accountant?


 


Today is as good of a day as any to start talking about power.


In particular, I want to talk about the power we're connected to inside, that we can't see, but we often know is there, and that we are having some manner of relationship with, consciously or unconsciously.

When I think of my own inner-power in this world, the thing that keeps me reaching for my next creation, or gives me the desire to become more than I currently am, I think about my "still small" inner-voice. This inner-voice is referred to in many ways that I , personally, have come to believe are the same thing; Intuition, Inner-Being, Spirit, Source, God, and Spirit Guide. I personally don't think it matters what we call the source of this voice, I just think that part of growing into our true selves is finding some way to best acknowledge its existence, it in a framework that we can wrap our brain around.


I haven't always had a good working relationship with my inner-voice, but I have known it was there, in a vague way, since I was a child. In some of my lowest times, I have tried to convince myself that my self-deprecating talk WAS my inner voice, telling me what a dummy I am, how foolish I'd been, and how I didn't deserve good things. Yet, even in times of great wailing and clothes-rending, my inner voice was quietly always there, telling me it was going to be fine, that I have choice in everything, and that I'm loved, in a clear, reasonable and matter-of fact way. That's a hallmark of my inner-voice, I have come to realize: it's a no-drama advocate, straight to the point, without a lot of flowery words or hyperbole. It's kind of like a nice, but somewhat boring accountant.


Fortunately as I have grown in my relationship with this voice, it's slightly dull, concise manner is actually how I have learned to distinguish it from my own thoughts which often can sound more like a paranoid squirrel on Adderall.

Recently, I had a good, though not a particularly proud, reminder of the reliability of my inner-voice when I was using my hand-held immersion blender and decided to clear a clog from around the blade with my finger, without first unplugging the blender. I had used the same blender the day before, and had heard a very clear, very boring lecture from my inner-kitchen appliance advisor on how I could be badly hurt if I didn't take care to unplug all appliances before messing with them. I had listened at that time, and with an annoyed sigh, dutifully unplugged the blender, apparently deciding that this benevolent act on my part would cover all future immersion blender uses. After meeting with the surgeon about reattaching the severed tendon in my finger, I decided to forgo reattachment surgery and leave my finger oddly crooked, to remind me that this inner voice thing is a partnership I genuinely value, and fear a little, not going to lie.


Through the years, the more I have acknowledged my inner-voice, and learned to recognize it, the less small it has become, and the more I have been able to appreciate it's no-nonsense advocacy. And, this enhanced relationship has given me power in my life to make changes and feel capable of pursuing some life paths that I never could have done when I was younger and less willing to be tuned-in. I don't think the voice is parsing out secret tidbits of information, as the Universal Big Wigs decide I'm worthy of having good things. I think it reminds me of what I had intended to try to create and understand when I came into this life, and steadfastly holds the lantern up so I can see the next step, in the most calm, patient, and a bit boring way possible.


Thank you, not-quite-as-small-as-it-used-to-be inner-voice, and crooked reminder-finger!









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